We’ve been talking about husbands being servant leaders and wives being submissi9ve servants. Most wives would like to be more submissive than they are, so what can they do to bring that about?
A close personal relationship with God is the first resource. Salvation and a commitment to live for Him each day is essential. Wives must first and foremost depend on their heavenly Husband and develop their relationship with Him. Without His help there is no way they will be able to show a submissive spirit.
Commitment to show submission is the next step. Make a decision to be his servant no matter what. Remember that servanthood isn’t always rewarded. Don’t assume he will notice or appreciate your actions. Don’t assume he will instantly change and treat you differently. If you start being a servant because of what you will get out of it you are all wrong. That motive won’t work at all. Your rewards will be in heaven. Anything on this earth is just extra, if it happens. Take a moment now to make sure your motives are pure, meaning you are doing it out of love and service to God and not for anything you may expect to receive back because of it. Jesus is our example in this as well.
Filled with fruit of the Spirit Gal 5:22-24 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. As I already said, no human being can produce the kind of love that brings sacrifice for another out of their own flesh. It is only as God’s Spirit fills us that we can love as He loves. It’s impossible to do without His help. Make sure you ask to be filled with the fruit of His Spirit every morning. List them, emphasizing the ones you especially lack.
Anita Bryant in “Bless This House” says, “Only as I practice yielding to Jesus can I learn to submit, as the Bible instructs me, to the loving leadership of my husband. Only the power of Christ can enable a woman like me to become submissive in the Lord.”
Follow Jesus’ example is the final key to being a submissive servant. In each situation ask yourself what Jesus would do (WWJD) – and then do just that very thing!
Pray for your husband instead of criticizing. That’s what Jesus does. This is all new and unnatural to him, too. He probably didn’t have the role model he needed in this either. Also pray for yourself. As Jesus says, you must take the plank out of your own eye before you can remove the speck from his (Matthew 7:5).
Following Jesus’ example, too, means going to God with your unmet needs as Jesus did. Don’t go to any other false substitute (friends, romance stories, children, etc). Talk to your husband about your unmet needs. Do it in a way to educate him in love, not that he feels criticized or a failure. You shoot yourself in the foot when you do that.
You won’t find many talk shows or TV programs that will help you learn how to be a submissive servant, but it is God’s way and the right way. It isn’t an easy way, but is the only way. Alone you can’t do it, but with Jesus as your example and help remember that all things are possible.
A happy couple had always raised cucumbers and made sweet pickles together. The husband just loved to watch things grow. Thus he spent his winters studying the seed catalogues to get the best possible cucumbers. The whole family enjoyed preparing the soil, planting and caring for the plants. He would often go out and just enjoy the way they grew. His wife loved to make sweet pickles. She studied the best recipes and the best methods of preparing and preserving them. They were such a happy family, and all their visitors went home with a jar of their famous pickles. The church always had a good supply of their pickles as well. People marveled at this family that had found a project to do together.
Finally, the man died. The next spring all the children returned home. They said to their mother, “We know how much you love making pickles, so we are going to prepare the garden and plant them for you.” The mother smiled and said, “Thanks a lot children, but you don’t have to do any planting for I really don’t enjoy pickle making. I only did that because your father loved to grow the cucumbers so much.” The children were all amazed, but the youngest son was upset, because the father had pulled him aside not too long before and shared with him that he really didn’t like growing cucumbers, but only did it to please the mother!
This story may not be a good example of communication, but it does show the loving benefits of being a servant to one’s mate. Wouldn’t it be great to have a marriage like that? You can. Just be a servant.
WOMEN: What part or requirement of servant submission is hardest for you? Why?
WOMEN: What have you found that helps you be more the wife God wants you to be?
MEN: What can you do to help your wife be more of a submissive servant?
BOTH: Does all you do support your mate so they can be a better servant to you? What do you do that makes it hard for them to serve you?
BOTH: Do you pray for your mate daily?
BOTH: Would you say that you really listen to your mate? That you understand them?
BOTH: When you have sex with your mate, what can you do to focus more on their needs instead of your own?
BOTH: Do you praise your mate regularly?
BOTH: Are you quick and sincere in your apologies?
